Cave Living

Today Derek, Marisa, Chelsea and I decided we are moving to a modern luxurious cave for life. To hide from well, everyone and everything! Goodbye to Facebook, "Nothing Personal" and All Time Low attemping to make a wall of death at their concert, anyone aged twelve to eightteen, Myspace, hardcore dancers, Brokencyde and their followers, Twitter, etc.

This month, and the past few, i've been, odd, we'll say? I've wanted to write, because I believe I could've written alot of good entries like I used to, but it never came out right or it was worded completely wrong. "When they close the final curtain, you'll get a glimpse of The Truth". True, story. 

The Turth? Is confusing, and cruel. Nobody tells you you may be better off that way. But I think back then, I did know more then I gave myself credit for. Oh, i'maa mess, from core to horizon to star.

The Uphill Strides

I often use roller coasters as a pawn in the metaphorical games I play with my writing. But I always seem to assciate roller caosters with negativity, which is fairly accurate. I mean everybody looks for stability, I want it badly myself. But I think what i've missed is that i'm going to be riding roller coasters all my life, whether i'm in a truly stable situation or not. Some I simply ride higher and straighter. The ones i'm used to and most commonly write about are the steeper low riding ones. But no matter what I do there are always going to be ups and downs to everything. It really just all depends on the roller coaster you're riding, and how worth while that ride really is, and knowing when to get off and onto another, if ever? I know the roller coaster i'm riding and I know every downhill slope or runt is worth the overall ride. The uphill strides outweigh the bad and I don't plan on getting off. 

This was kind of a more positive optimistic look on the same type of topic as my last blog. That one I looked at all of this with negative eyes, this one I look at with more optimism. At heart i'm a realist and an optimist, but I have my pessimistic "fuck the world" moments as well, which is typically when I write. I'm human, just finding my own personal balance. I like being optimistic, and it's something I hope adulthood doesn't take from me. 

The Horizontal Exchange

Life is a constant exchange, it seems. You trade one hardship for a another. One sorrow for a different. Everything is lateral movement, and it's sad. You take two steps up, to stumble four steps down, then shift from ladder to ladder on that fourth broken step. Until you're lifted once again another two steps, then dropped and shifted, and the process goes on. 

I did exit my roller coaster months ago, only to be strapped to another, that's just gained downhill momentum. Decent writing is back I believe, how wonderful. 

"And the world spins madly on..."

Twigs and Leaves

Something about the rain. Just something about it's scent, and the way the puddles it creates echo through my room. I've wanted to write something for a few weeks now, something worth reading again. I've saved about four drafts, but nothing I really feel is worth anything. Something about the rain makes me more, not technically inspired, but capable of writing. As the water droplets flow from sky to roof to road to beneath the soil, i'm able to better flow and run the the thoughts in my head. The leaves and twigs circulating my fuck up are kind of washed and pushed closer to the sewer when it rains. I enjoy writing, and writing words that impact people, rain acts as one of my catalyst for me to be able to do that better. 

I don't know, just thoughts and thoughts.

What They Preach Is Merely Fiction

Music has started to hit me hard again. I suppose hard isn't the best choice of words, deep would be more accurate I think? For a while I could listen to music and it wouldn't effect me like it used to, but it's begginging to again. I'm able to get lost in a song the way I was able to. I don't know if I like this happening or not, no... I do know.

Please, don't expect much from me anymore.

Blur, Loosen, Wander, Float, Shut

I really do not know why that song below stabilizes me to the point that it does. It lyrically has nothing to do with my life or past, except maybe the first line, and I can't personally relate to it. But it can calm me more then any other song in my library of close to five thousand. Just listening to it so loud that it is literally all I can hear and completely shutting out the world, helps me in some way? I zone and that song is really the only one that can completely consume my entire mind and body, basically one hundred percent of the time. It's just a beautiful song, and I get lost among it. Thank you Joscelyn, for exposing me to it last year, you don't know how much it has done for me in that year, from last summer to the start of school and so on. I feel pretty pathetic for giving this four minute song so much credit and power, but I need to start accepting the fact that I am a pretty pathetic person. I'd post a lyric to finish this, but like I said, it's not the lyrics, it's the sound and consumption. Goodbye.

When There's Nothing Left To Burn,

"You Have To 

Set Yourself On Fire"

-Stars

497 45516

Dig so deep, and wrap your veins around my steady skipping pacing gasping slipping sinking fading fragile heartbeat

and save it, never to be left alone again

Just Two Months

Okay, let's step back from my dolled up poetic writing for a moment and I strip it down alittle for this one. The past month and a half or so have been great, and only make me more anxious for summer. Alyssa comes home in about five-six days, and once that happens my mind is on summer. Which absolutely terrifies me. I still have a month and half of school left, and I need to keep it together through then. I have exams, most being exit exams for high school. I'm not in fear of failing, but in fear of doing way below my capabilities. Math is going to be hell, and english is going to be lengthy and annoying. Both I need to focus on. Even before the exams, I have final projects and a full last quarter of school to get through. It just kind of sucks. I've never been more ready for summer so early before. I've never wanted summer more in my life, because this summer I have great things waiting for me. Insted of just wanting to escape pointless lessons and obnoxious classmates, I actually have amazing plans waiting for me this summer. I'll get there, and it won't take too long, I just need to keep my head somewhat focused on school in the meantime.

I love writing in riddles and wordplay like I normally do, but sometimes it's nice to change it up and write in a more quote unquote real tone and write out some quote unquote goals I have. Hope all is well with whoever may be reading this, goodnight (:

The letters O, U, R, and S

I've created a world, like I tend to do in the burrows of my brain. But this time around, it's consumed my entire. This time around, my fanasty world touches so close to relaity the static shatters ear drums. This time around, i'm not in my world alone. In the past i've always built kingdoms on my own, and for the first time i'm sharing a world, and I didn't construct it single handedly, and the towers keep getting greater, as does the fairytale.

I'd give anything, and everything I have, to make this world absolute and permentant. If I could destory reality and all inside to replace it with my, our, utopia... I would. For you, and me, and us.