I'm

i'mbalanced, from left to right

i'mmoveable, on the surface

i'mbedded, with confusion always

i'mplacable, and wandering

i'mpacted, barely and rarely

i'mmigrated, into foreign hands

i'mpossible, and stuck waiting

but looking from above and far away, i'm simply just iNcapable, of more things than one.

Tuesday evening,

I was reading Alyssa's blog. It goes on to explain/mention her feelings of being lost, not knowing what she wants, and not knowing what is real and what is illusional. It was like I was reading something I could have easily wrote, a month ago. 

As I was reading all I wanted to do was say something to help her, but I couldn't think of anything. Because I didn't pull myself out of the "whatever" I was sinking in. I was lifted out, and I couldn't be more thankful. But what about the people who aren't lucky enough to find what I found? Or what if I hadn't have found him myself? Where would I be? I don't know, just a few things that ran through my head while reading Alyssa's. Foruntely enough for me, the last two questions are worthless, but the first?...

I guess i've just finnally found something to truly be grateful for, and now i'm wondering why everyone can't have something like that. Or, why am I so lucky? I don't care why really, like I said, i'm just grateful for it.

"My head is starting to steady"

Friday, 12:43 p.m. I'm home in my godsent sweatpants and the shirt I fell asleep in last night. 12:44 p.m. We had the day off from school today, and that too was godsent. School lately has been going by so fast, I barely see it anymore. I blame some of it on lil bro, but it's a good thing. I don't know if it's him or just the clock on crack, but either way time is running almost too fast for the naked eye to catch it on it's way out. In the current, that's working in my favor. But once we hit mid august, i'll be telling you different. This next month of April, i'll be in school maybe two full weeks of the month. In two weeks i'll be leaving for a week to stay with Alyssa in Boston, and we're going to New York City for a few days as well. After that, i'm on spring break until the end of April, at which time Alyssa will be home from college for four months. At that point, my mind is on summer. We'll see what the effects of that are in a few months, hah. Then, May 1st, i'm going to New Jersey for four days for Bamboozle '09. After that, i'm home, school will be text review, and i'll be with Alyssa. After this next month, I won't be immobile anymore. 12:52 p.m. It is really exciting, and I have extreme hopes for this summer. But everyone one of them is realistic. I'll be between Lewiston, Buffalo, North Ton, and Toronto mainly, and I can't wait for it all. 12:55 p.m. Life is really good lately and getting better by the week. 1:02 p.m.

I don't know if before, I just truly wasn't happy, or if now, i'm just completely happy. Either way, i'm confident i'm happy now, and i'm pretty sure the roller coaster I was chained to for the past year has stopped, and the chain unlocked. 

It's My Lyrical Life

"For the first time, I feel like i'm at a loss for words. There's nothing left to do but move forawrd. I'm finally ready for something good." // "I'll be the bright side of your bad day. If you'll be mine..." // "We’ve been searching the sky for answers. Look to the stars so that I feel small, and my problems don’t seem so big." // "The new is in, the new is in. I'm feeling better all ready. I shed my skin, I shed my skin. My head is starting to steady"

Music is more then clever wording and danceble beats to me. It's a messenger, that delivers words or thoughts when i'm unable. Even when i'm able, sometimes it's easier for lyrics to take the ropes. These are some lines from some songs i've had on repeat for a few days/weeks. I picked these lines because they paint a decent picture of my current head. But believe me, those few above are certainly not all. I'll do this from time to time I think, we'll see how it all goes (:

But only in dreamsandschemes

I'm impossible, searching for someone with possibilities// I have answers, but none to my own questions// Occasionally, I want more then just my own two feet to rely on//

I'm intangled, looking for a devoted to unravel and plant roots on fresh soil, or an equal to intertwine their mess into mine, and together we'll settle in the jungle.

Carry Me,

It's 11:09 at night, on a sunday. I've successful avoided my english and child dev homework, but it's not like it was a challenge. Right now i'm in the dark, listening to Owl City and faint rain behind me. Around ten, I went to my window, tore off the winter plastic, opened the glass, and let spring fill the room. As much as I love winter, i'm glad it's on it's way out, and the downpour throughout the day is a reassuring sign. The rain is beautiful, and I could watch/listen to it's drops for longer then you'd think. It really puts me at ease, and as long as something so simple yet incredible as rain is falling to the earth, I know I haven't lost my sanity.

Baby Steps

I think I secretly desire to be infinite, it's The Perks of Being a Wallflower in me,

I've tried to writing something for days now, but nothing materializes. I produce the best writing when i'm at a loss, or caught in confusion. But lately neither has been the case. It's slightly sad, and slightly pathetic, that my best writing comes from despair. But it makes some sense. I mean, when something is wrong I try to dig in my head and connect the wire that came undone. Writing and music are the shovels, so it would make sense my deepest writing is the product of self recuperation, right? Maybe it's all in my sub conscious, or maybe I just haven't got the chance to write when i'm honestly content. Lately i'm comfortable with how my life is going. I'm just living in the now and rolling with the texts. There's no need to think, because there's nothing to think about. Thinking ruins me, more times than it should, so i'm satisfied with it's welcomed absence. I believe that if I put too much thought into my current, i'll shadder it. I'm terrified of that as it is, so i'm going to do everything I can to make sure i'm not the one with the cuts on his hands.

I'm obviously growing, because i'm still content, and this writing wasn't too bad.

Continuously,

I find myself riding rollercoasters, thinking I know how to control the gears of it all, while seated and strapped in the cars, as they speed cruelly down the tracks.

To a Friend

Dear friend, i'm no sir,

it's weird to think that one week ago, I didn't even know of your existance. But in that past week since, i've talked to you more then anyone else. I am really glad I found you, and I think I found you at the right time. It's great to find someone with a similar mindset as mine, and we're able to share them both with eachother. I think the reason I like talking to you so much is because you're something new, and I forget about everything else going on when we talk. I enjoy not thinking, and with you, I don't have to think or censor. You take my mind, and that's nice for a change. I'm just comfortable with you, and you make me feel kind of wanted. By you just talking to me as much as you are and that you're honestly grateful you've met me, makes me so much more thankful I found you. With you being you, and me being me, we've just amplified eachother I think. Also, i'm really glad i've helped you, in whatever ways I have. It's nice to know I did something for someone else, while just being myself, that's never really happened to me before. You're someone I don't want to stop getting to know, and someone I hope to know outside of the digital world soon. The world will bow in our prensece, and Paul Simon with be twelve feet under once we're done with him. Don't worry about being redundant, because we'll just continue to balance eachother out. Thank you, honestly.